The Meathead's Guide to Lowering Gas Prices

Gas prices are steep, and we all need to get to the gym to train, so here is a guide for all the meathead's out there as to how we are going to lower the gas prices.

First, fill your car's gas tank up to the top. This will be the last tank of gas you will buy. You will use this gas to drive yourself to the gym and back while you develop the strength to lower the gas prices. Next, you will buy a gallon of milk. For each gallon of gas that you use up in your tank, replace that will a gallon of milk in your gut. Milk is cheaper than gas, so you will be saving money here.

As you continue to consume milk and train, you will undoubtedly become bigger and stronger. Eventually, you will run out of that tank of gas you first bought, but remember, that's the last tank you buy. By this time, it will be assumed that you are big enough and strong enough that you no longer need to drive your car, but rather you will be able to push your car, and that is exactly what you will do.

Wherever you need to go, you will push your car. You will even push your car to the gas station to pick up a newspaper, but no gas. You will continue to consume milk, though, and eventually you will be able to push your car all the way out to the farms to pick up raw milk. Once you start making this trip, you can expect your car-pushing abilities to nearly double within a week's time. You will become more and more powerful, often making the trip for raw milk more than once a week.

Finally, pushing your car will no longer be challenging enough, so you will need to upgrade to a bigger, less gas-friendly car. But it won't matter, because gas prices will have come plummeting down since you and all of the other meatheads began pushing their cars just a short while back.

Get big or die tryin'.

Charlie Cates is a human performance specialist and the owner of Self Made (http://selfmadefitness.com/) in Chicago, IL. He is a Certified Personal Trainer and Performance Enhancement Specialist through NASM and has worked with competitive and everyday athletes of all ages and ability levels, from 9-year-old kids to NFL MVP's. He can be reached via e-mail at charlie@selfmadefitness.com.

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